In a LDR on Valentine's day? How I spent the day in 2021.

Last Sunday was the 14th of February, valentine's day. I hope you had a good day regardless if you are single, taken, or taken but those who are apart from your significant others. 

I have a boyfriend who has been together for over 2 years but in a long distance between the U.K. and Japan. I couldn’t spend the day with him in person. We spent last year’s 14th February apart too but celebrated it a few weeks later when we had a reunion in the UK.  It was just before the covid19 outbreak was seen seriously as a worldwide phenomenon. I'm so blessed that I was able to have the most romantic memory. 

He booked a beautiful seaside hotel in the city where we went to the university and happened to find each other. We enjoyed thinking back to the early time of our relationship. In the evening, we dressed up and ate out at a fancy restaurant. I still remember how he stared at me and held my hands while waiting for the food. I could feel his love simply from his gestures. He also expressed it in his cheesy lines tho haha. We later dropped by a bar in which we went on our first date. The table was the same as then.  On the first date, I sat in front of him but at the night, we sat closely next to each other. It was lovely to see how we (especially me, because I barely had dating experiences) got relaxed to each other's accompany and developed our relationship. When we got back to the hotel at night, he asked me to stay in a lobby a little bit so he could prepare for something. 

(This is where we stayed!)

Well, he decorated the bed with heart-shaped red petals (I wish I could've taken the photo) and gave me a ring to show his promise to our future! How sweet!! This memory and his effort always remind me of how lucky I am to have him and let me believe in our love even when we are in LDR. 

So what about this year?? 

I felt devastated on the day. I've been going through mood swings lately and didn't feel like doing anything. Lots of negative thoughts dominated me. The more I thought I should stop thinking about them, the more I was trapped in them. I couldn't control it and cried a lot. The annoying thing is that I had no idea why I felt like sh*t. 

I called my boyfriend in the evening (the 9 hours time difference between us sucks). I told him I didn't feel well and started to cry. He tried to understand what’s going on. I kept silent because I had no idea what’s wrong with me. It was definitely not what I had to go through on the special day. It was meant to be a day of joy and romance. Before the 14th, I even googled to collect some cute ideas of how to celebrate valentine's day in LDR... My plan to be extra romantic was completely messed up. 

Yet after all, I would never say it was the worst experience. Because even though I was acting like the most awful, grumpiest and craziest girlfriend because of my mental situation, he patiently accepted the weakness and showed his love and great support.

On the one hand, he tells me it’s ok to be honest with my emotions. He never blames on me when I am in negative mood and being grumpy or sad. He says it’s important to speak out on my anxiety and those feelings with someone. And he is there to listen. 

On the other hand, he tells me it breaks his heart when I cry because he cares about me. There was another time I got desperate and said to him that I don’t like myself (I don’t mean it all the time but sometimes I feel like that). He responded, ‘don’t make me sad because I love you’. On the Valentine’s evening, he didn’t let me be sad for a long time and brought some positive energy by talking about his daydreams regarding our future together, singing sweet songs, and giving me advice on the importance of self-care. 

Although he’s not physically here, he’s by my side with the greatest empathy and guides me to a better place. Having him in my life as my partner is the best gift and treasure. I will never take it for granted.

So this is my story of Valentine’s Day in 2021. I couldn’t give useful tips on how to celebrate the day for other LDR couples but put down my precious experience of how I become to appreciate and cherish my boyfriend more on the day. I am terribly sorry for him to ruin the day tho. I will definitely make up for it soon. 

Thank you so much for reading. Have a nice weekend everyone :)